2011: The Point of Failure

It's almost the end of 2011, I can't believe where the time has gone. In some ways it feels like it's been a long year as a lot of circumstances in my life have changed. But when I stopped to think about my one word that I blogged about as my new year's resolution in January, I just couldn't believe that it had been a whole year since I decided on the word 'generous' to be my "mantra" for the year.

I couldn't, indeed I can't believe, how a whole year has passed by, when I had such concrete plans to put that word into action. The year seemed to stretch out before me when I wrote that post, but now seems to have gone in a flash and I guess I feel like a failure because I'm not sure that I have been any more generous than in years before. It is not a character trait that I now feel that I have "under my belt"... I'm not sure if I should feel like I have achieved that or not. I suppose it was an inevitable outcome seeing as I am human and will never be perfect in this life so it has only served to highlight yet again how utterly reliant I am on God's grace. It's probably a good thing that I am not writing about my successes and how kind and generous I have been with my time and money, but I can't help feeling that if all of our efforts to improve ourselves are only ever going to serve to show us how rubbish we really are, then what's the point in trying?

Well, as I'm typing this I'm realising that if the result of that realisation of our own failure is to sink into depression and self pity over my sin and weakness, then there is no point to it at all. But if it leads me to a deeper understanding of how great God's love for me is, then hopefully it should lead me to praise Him more, and live for Him more, and give Him more of the glory that He deserves. Which is basically just the Gospel in a nutshell, and definitely a point worth proving.

So maybe I'd better start thinking about a new word for 2012...

Rael James Poetry